I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
