i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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