Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
