idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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