I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
