i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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