You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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