i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
