You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
