my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
