She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
