I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
