i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
