Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Randomize
