I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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