Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
