We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
