You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
