Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
