I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
