apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
