Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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