I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
