first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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