i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
