made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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