Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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