apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
