Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Randomize
