Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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