we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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