How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
