Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
