idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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