She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
