I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
