I met the friendliest cop last night
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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