you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
