He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
