Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
