I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There r osticjed everywhere
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
