Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
