Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
