If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
