He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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