She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
