I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
