cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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