don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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