So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
